First Southern Blog

This is the article Daniel posted on our fb page.  Just click here!

It sounds like you think of people who are divorced as second-class Christians because (a) the leadership believes a divorced man should not be an elder or deacon, and (b) it is a question you ask new member candidates for the membership interview.  Why do you only ask new candidates if s/he is divorced?  Do you ask them other ‘sin-related’ questions (theft, murder, coveting, etc.).  This seems unfair.

No, someone who is divorced is NOT a second-class Christian.  At this point, we as elders believe that a divorced man should not be an elder or deacon.  Does this mean that a divorced man is a second-class Christian?  About as much as a man who does not have the ability to teach and thus is not qualified to be an elder (I am not trying to be factitious).  Just because someone does not meet the qualifications for an elder (like not able to teach) does not make him a second-class Christian.  Plus, are not these qualifications the standard that every Christian should strive for, not just for a man who has a desire for eldership (1 Timothy 3:1)?  And do we all meet those qualifications?  Not really.  Does that make those who do not meet those qualifications second-class Christians?  Hardly.

Having said that, we as elders still struggle if a divorced man is not able to be an elder.  The text states a ‘one woman man.’  Does this mean that the elders in Ephesus were never divorced?  We find that hard to believe.  Was Paul talking about the history of the man, or was he really speaking about his present character?  It seems he was talking about the latter.  We are still wrestling through, and may continue to wrestle it for some time.  Presently, we don’t have to deal with it (in the sense that there is not a divorced man right now who has a desire to be an elder or deacon), but one day, we know we will have to.

Why do I ask if they were divorced and not if they murdered someone?  Well, quite frankly, not many people have committed murder.  Of course, if this particular candidate spent time in prison, I would probably ask him/her about it!  It’s not so much that I am trying to point out divorce as the ‘greatest of all evils,’ but that divorce in our society is not thought of as sin (even within the church).  We have minimized it and do not consider it as something that we should stay away from, but we need to.  We should not even consider it as a option because of the very message we believe and preach.  God has reconciled with us, and two people cannot reconcile their differences?  It seems to undermine the gospel.  We need to think twice about divorce and heed Jesus’ words in Mark 10:9: ‘What God has joined together, let no man separate.’

A member of the church who has been divorced is interested in another person (for marriage).  Since you take such a conservative understanding to divorce and remarriage, what would you do with this?

Again, if I can repeat what I said in the first question, we need to deal with people gently, carefully, and graciously.  These are not simply abstract cases/scenarios.  It involves real feelings, hearts, and lives of real people.

Maybe the real question is this: ‘Would you [Jim] marry them?’  My answer to that is no.

If that person is NOT asking me to perform the wedding, then, by God’s grace, I would want to know about their divorce situation (and I possibly would already know because one of the questions I ask for a membership interview is if the candidate has been divorced).  Did this person instigate it?  Why?  If not, why are they divorced?  What happened?  Graciously asking those questions would be the first step.

Then, if their situation falls under the two grounds for divorce, unrepentant adultery or desertion by a non-believer (as expressed in the majority view), or divorce before their conversion, I would encourage that person to look long and hard at God’s Word to see if, under clear conviction, they can remarry.  I would still ask them if s/he has repented from the sin of divorce (I will deal with that later), but they need to come to their own understanding on remarriage.  As leadership, we would concur together that unrepentant adultery or desertion by a non-believer are the only two biblical grounds for divorce (for a believer).  I simply go farther by saying that there are no biblical grounds for divorce at all, but I would trust the other men in leadership for the above grounds.

If there was illegitimate divorce within this person’s life (that is, outside of the majority view), I personally would strongly advise him/her to not get remarried.  God will bless them if s/he stays single, and Paul is clear to say in 1 Corinthians 7:38 that it would be better for him/her to stay single anyways.  If s/he struggles with desires, God will give them grace to overcome and conquer, but they will need to work harder at it than others, knowing that His grace is always sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9)!

A couple in the church are getting a divorce.  What would the leadership do?

That would really depend on the situation.  With each situation, the leadership (elders) need to handle it with grace and kindness. Some initial questions we would ask would be…

1. Are they members of First Southern?

2. Is sin present (adultery, brutality, etc.)?  If so, then church discipline will come into play.  Yet, I give a word of caution here: we would really need to look at the situation wholistically (asking even more questions) and not jump to unnecessary (and hurtful) conclusions.  That could damage our objective, which is restoration of the brother/sister and reconciliation in the marriage.

3. Is it possible to begin a process of biblical counseling with the couple?  Are they willing to meet with (one of) us over a period of time to find out where they need to grow/repent?

Probably other questions would be asked, but as of right now, these come to mind.

This past Sunday, I preached my personal conviction regarding divorce and remarriage. Wow, it was probably one of the most (if not the most) difficult sermons I’ve ever had to preach.

My view (which is called the ‘minority view’) is this: I believe there are no grounds for divorce, yet, if a situation comes up where a spouse does divorce (because of unrepentant adultery, desertion by a non-believer, or brutality), then that person (husband/wife) should not get remarried.  S/he should remain single (click here, here, and here for a delineation of the minority view and here for the majority view).  Many pastoral/practical questions come up when the topic of divorce and remarriage is discussed, let alone the even more questions that surface when a person takes the minority view.  Therefore, I would like to devote the next few blog posts to answer questions that some may have (we had a couple of questions surface this past Tuesday evening in our Gospel Care Community Group).  If you have any questions, you may put them on our facebook page (public or private page), email them to me, or post in the comments section of this post, and I will do my best to answer them.  Soli Deo Gloria.

I found this book on Timmy Brister’s blog post back from October.  Then, I found this one as well, making me think how we can continue to sharpen our Gospel Care Community Groups.  Let me know what you think about them.

It’s disappointing to see yourself sin; you can feel so stupid.  It’s another thing to sin in front of 20 other people!  That’s exactly what I did at our members meeting this past Sunday.  What a poor attitude.  I felt like such a failure.  Later, I was reminded of the statement I made just minutes before our members meeting from Dave Harvey: ‘[Failure] is God’s way of removing our glory and restoring his own. God will lay low anyone who competes for his supremacy. Our dreams crumble, and in desperation we reach out to God and his rock-solid promises. In the cleft of his Word, our vision of God grows, and we shrink to our rightful place’ (Harvey, Rescuing Ambition).  Thus: I feel like an idiot!  Well, this morning, I found this article from Charles Bridges and took to heart this statement:

I know, O Lord, that thy rules of proceeding are agreeable to thy perfect justice and wisdom; and I am equally satisfied, that the afflictions that thou hast laid upon me from time to time, are only to fulfil thy gracious and faithful promise of making me eternally happy in thyself.’ Blessed fruit of affliction!

Hopefully, this will be my prayer…and yours too.

Enjoyed a great trip to the South (Mississippi) to learn about church planting.  Randy and I are praying about what God would want First Southern and Village Park Baptist to do at this point.  Please pray with us.  We got connected with a group called one8.org.  Check it out.

You may want to check out this link for books that are for sale from the Good Book Company.  They sell some great books, and they have a sale on some of their books for this month only.  Check it out!

I read Piper’s blog this morning, and it made sense.  He mentioned how we can serve God to make Him look thrilling instead of threatening.  You probably know what I mean by threatening — serving God because you have to, not because you want to.  It’s serving out of fear, so that I can merit God somehow by my works.  That’s silly…and unbiblical.  How do you merit/gain with God?  He does not need anything (Acts 17:25).  What does He need from us?  Nothing!  Instead, when we serve Him, we trust moment-by-moment that He will supply what we need.  Our serving really comes from Him, that is, His supply.  He gives what we need to serve Him, and that makes Him more glorious.  Here’s the post, it sounds better from Piper than from me.